5 Things That Probably Won’t Happen At This Year’s GABF

 

Hey, we admit that none of these things are actually going to happen. But after a week of legitimately hyping the Great American Beer Festival, even we were getting a little bored, so we thought we’d expound on some things that we wish would have taken place.

Again, none of these things are actually going to happen at this year’s GABF…but It’s still fun to think about.

 

Hard Root Beer Judged In This Year’s GABF Competition

The GABF is not just America’s longest running and largest gathering of US breweries – it’s also an important competition. Every year an international team of judges’ chooses “the best of the best” in ninety style categories – but the talk of this year’s contest was the addition of a new Hard Root Beer category. Acknowledging the growing popularity of this new “malt-beverage,” festival spokespersons stressed the need for the competition to stay relevant, and even hinted at a new Kool Aid category to be introduced next year.

 

Sam Calagione Uses The Festival To Announce His New Partnership With AB-InBev

Dogfish Head’s Founder & President Sam Calagione choses the occasion of the GABF to announce his company’s new alignment with the World’s biggest beer company. Working closely with Budweiser’s brewmasters, Dogfish Head will be introducing a new line of Dogfish Head Lite Lagers in 2016, complete with beach balls, Frisbees and ‘hotties” in bathing suits. Posing for pictures with fans, in a new looking Budweiser visor, Sam is seen handing out Busch Garden discount tickets to the excited masses.

 

Greg Koch Has One Drink Too Many 

Stone’s new Executive Chairman is seen staggering from beer booth to beer booth at Saturday night’s closing session, embarrassing attendees with stories of his rock band past and ranting that Dogfish Head’s Sam Calagione was a sell-out. Koch, who eventually had to be forcefully removed from the venue, pledges that this is his last GABF, and that next year he’d be starting something “bigger and better” based in Berlin.

 

Charlie Papazian Declines To Attend This Year’s GABF

Issuing a statement that “he’d rather blow his brains out, than drink another barrel-aged anything” Brewer Association President Charlie Papazian, long the ringmaster at events like the GABF, SAVOR and the CBC, is a no show.

ACB Founder Tom Bobak Caught Stealing Beer 

Explaining that it was “all just an unfortunate mistake,” American Craft Beer Founder, Tom Bobak is busted trying to exit the GABF afternoon “”members-only” session with two bottles of Cigar City’s Hunahpu’s Imperial Stout lodged in his pants. When questioned about the incident, Cigar City Founder Joey Redner, who could barely disguise his disgust, had “no comment.”