5 Things That Probably Won’t Happen At This Year’s CBC

 

Hey, we admit that none of these things are actually going to happen. But after weeks of legitimately hyping the Craft Brewer’s Conference, taking place in Philadelphia this week, we were getting a little bored, so we thought we’d expound on some things that we wish would have taken place.

Again, none of these things are probably going to happen…but It’s still fun to think about.

Sam Calagione Uses The CBC To Announce His New Partnership With AB-InBev

Dogfish Head’s Founder & President Sam Calagione choses the occasion of the CBC to announce his company’s new alignment with the global giant. Working closely with Budweiser’s brewmasters, Dogfish Head will be introducing a new line of Dogfish Head Lite Lagers in 2016, complete with beach balls, branded Frisbees and ‘hotties” in bathing suits. Posing for pictures with fans in a smart looking Budweiser visor, Sam is seen handing out Busch Garden discount tickets to the excited masses.

Hard Root Beer Is Judged In This Year’s World Cup Competition

The 2016 Craft Brewers Conference will also be hosting The World Beer Cup this year, the most prestigious beer competition in the world. Every other year an international team of judges’ chooses “the best of the best” in 90+ style categories – but the talk of this year’s contest is the addition of a new Hard Root Beer category. Acknowledging the growing popularity of this new “malt-beverage,” event spokespersons stressed the need for the competition to stay relevant in the ever-evolving beverage world, and even hinted at a new Kool Aid category to be introduced in 2018.

Greg Koch Has One Drink Too Many

Stone’s Executive Chairman is seen staggering from booth to booth at BrewExpo America , embarrassing attendees and vendors alike, with stories of the rock band past and ranting that Dogfish Head’s Sam Calagione was a sell-out. Koch, who eventually had to be forcefully removed from the trade show, pledges that this is his last CBC, and that next year he’d be starting something “bigger and better” based in Berlin.

Charlie Papazian Declines To Attend This Year’s CBC

Issuing a statement that “he’d rather blow his brains out, than drink another barrel-aged anything” Brewer Association Founder Charlie Papazian, long the ringmaster at events like the GABF, SAVOR and the CBC, is a no show.

ACB Founder Tom Bobak Is Forcibly Removed From The CBC Keynote Address

After rushing the stage, screaming that the “Oakland A’s are a bunch of pathetic losers,” American Craft Beer Founder, Tom Bobak is forcibly removed from the CBC’s Keynote Address. A visibly shaken, Billy Beane, Executive Vice President of Baseball Operations for the Oakland Athletics, urged calm from the podium, as Bobak was swarmed by security and eventually dragged out of the Terrace Ballroom.